WHAT IS THE SECRET TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS?

THIS IS THE ONE SECRET EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW... DO YOU?

In over four decades of dating and being in relationships we’ve reached the conclusion that relationship failures come down to one vital ingredient… BOUNDARIES.

What is a boundary?

Having a boundary is when you are able to tell a telemarketer “”DON’T EVER CALL HERE AGAIN” when you are interrupted with an annoying phone call from someone wanting to sell you something you don’t want.

Having a boundary is when you can tell a drunken lounge lizard “NO THANK YOU” when you are hit with his slithery requests to buy you a drink.

Having a boundary is when you are asked a direct question by your partner and you don’t take it as a personal attack, but as an attempt to communicate.

Boundaries are complicated to describe, but necessary to have.

SO WHAT IS A BOUNDARY?

A boundary is a semi permeable membrane of your personal energy that separates you from others.

What does that mean?

The energy space of a boundary is a space that only you and you alone occupy. Think of a boundary as having your own room in life, a room that contains the things you want and keeps out the things you don’t want. Imagine what this room would be like? Filled with all of your favourite memories, and only positive thoughts.

That’s what a boundary does. A boundary helps you distinguish the stuff you don’t want from the stuff you want.

Basically, a boundary allows you to say NO to the things (or people) you don’t want in your life, and YES to the things (or people) you want in life.

Essentially, the single law of boundaries is: IF YOU CAN’T SAY NO TO PEOPLE (and mean it), YOU CAN’T SAY YES TO PEOPLE (and mean it). The implication being, a person who says YES all of the time and goes along with the plan, doesn't rock the boat in order not to disappoint others is someone who is often afraid to say NO.

A person who is afraid to say NO will be on the loosing end in most relationships!!! This is a guarantee. In an effort to avoid disappointing others this person will end up disappointing himself. Instead of an equal partnership where love is shared between two individuals, a person who struggles with saying NO to what he/she doesn't want will place the responsibility on the partner to make decisions and this will make the relationship lopsided and off-balance.

Inevitably, the relationship will collapse in disappointment and anger.

THIS HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME... DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE THAT MILLIONS OF UNHAPPY COUPLES HAVE MADE

If you, or someone you know, is afraid to say NO for fear of disappointing others KEEP READING and practice the exercise at the end of this posting, and you will experience a QUANTUM LEAP in your relationships.

HOW STRONG ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES?

Say you’re at work and it’s the end of the day and you’re about to leave the office when your boss rushes up and asks you if you could review a thick set of documents before leaving for the day.

Which answer best demonstrates having boundaries?

a) Say okay, smile and mumble “asshole” under your breath

b) Look at the documents, become anxious with the thought that if you don’t fulfill this task your boss will give you the sack

c) Say you can’t do it now because it’s time for you to leave and you need to get home

d) Take the work home with you and review it later that evening and send your boss an email later.

e) Ask for the deadline and negotiate a time when you can get it done in a way that is more relaxing and less stressful for everyone involved

The best boundary response is answer E.

Here’s another question in the above example. Which response would you think your boss would want to hear?

Mostly, insofar as boundaries are concerned, E is the BEST RESPONSE IN ALL SITUATIONS.

Boundaries allow WIN-WIN situations to happen EVERYTIME. All successful relationships are WIN-WIN, each partner wins in the end, and there are no losers. This also applies to teams, organizations, and families.


WHY ARE BOUNDARIES SO IMPORTANT?

Boundaries are like a traffic light, directing traffic, inflows and outflows of communication, energy and emotions that lead to authentic ways of being.

As far as we are concerned BOUNDARIES ARE THE SECRET TO ALL SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS!!!


WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE SECRET TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS?

DO YOUR BOUNDARIES HOMEWORK AND WATCH EVERYTHING CHANGE!

To strengthen your boundaries, start with this basic tip.

EACH WEEK THIS MONTH MAKE SURE YOU SAY “NO” AT LEAST 10 TIMES.

Throughout this week and the next month, count each time you’ve said NO to something you really didn’t want and then notice the positive feeling afterwards.

You’ll notice it actually feels very good to say NO, especially when you REALLY don’t want to do something.

For you positive thinking junkies out there who are thinking saying “NO” will kill off sun blossoming good vibrations and possibilities, think again. If you are afraid to say NO to something you don’t want, you WILL FOR CERTAIN take on more work and responsibilities than is necessary and end up BEING RESENTFUL in the end.

This is why most relationships end, BECAUSE OF RESENTMENTS.

Just saying “YES” all of the time is not the answer to life. Sometimes, you have to risk being unpopular and say NO. This reduces resentments, increases personal power and makes communication so much easier.

HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU SAY NO THIS WEEK?

Post a comment below and let us know.

HAPPY BOUNDARY SETTING!!!

Joshua and Angela